Guilt, Judgment, Blame, and Shame—The ‘Quivering Quartet’ That Kept Me Stuck (And How I Broke Free)
They whispered doubts, fueled my fears, and kept me trapped—until I silenced them and moved forward with confidence.
Do you ever get headaches from overthinking and trying to decide what to write or whether you’re good enough?
My self-doubt triggered a stroke that silenced most people, but I was lucky.
Lightning flashed and struck inside my head. In my mind’s eye, I was falling from the sky in slow motion. Time distorted and slowed.
Floating like a feather, I felt like the landing took at least twenty minutes.
CRASH! Thud!
Suddenly, I hit the floor in a split second.
Searching for words, I could only blurt, “$#!*!”
A few moments before, I stood up from my computer, whining, “It’s not working. No one cares what I write. Who will even read it?”
Staring at the words on my computer screen, I emphatically barked, “I want something to PROVE my MindShift Exercises™ work! And, I want PROOF… NOW!”
I stomped my foot like a brat, and lightning sparked. It felt as if a mule had kicked me in the head.
Lying on the floor, I sighed and thought, “Ahhhhh, be careful what you ask for.”
The result was a massive brain stroke caused by my dysfunctional heart, and the stroke blacked out my speech center. I could only say two words, “Doooon-naaa” and “Crap!”
You might think I’m nuts calling my stroke a gift, but it was.
What occurred inspired me to shift my mindset rather than empowering the stroke and worsening its effects.
In real-time, I was given the opportunity to shift away from physical trauma and mentally observe instead of engaging and magnifying the results.
Rather than taking nearly a year to speak clearly, if ever at all — as my healthcare teams predicted — by using my MindShifting™ technology over three short days, I talked like a magpie.
NOTE: The preceding was paraphrased from Chapter 1 — Stroke of Genius — from my book, MindShift On Demand: Quick Life-Changing Tools.
My Brain Stroke Happened on Halloween 2013
… and after 35 rounds of editing, my book was published on Amazon in 2017.
What took so long?
Before my book was published, my poker coaching clients, who came from all walks of life, told me to remove the poker stories.
But why?
From the C-Suite executives to the frontlines and homefront, poker was their recreational entertainment.
As members of my unofficial ARC — Advanced Reader Committee — my clients said they didn’t want the reader to think this book was just for poker players.
They were living proof that my MindShifting™ technology works. They used what I had taught them to lower their stress and up their game throughout their lives.
From personal relationships to negotiations to closing sales, they could fine-tune their mindset in the moment.
Away from the table, they were teachers, lawyers, stock brokers, real estate brokers, salespeople, househusbands, homemakers, and entrepreneurs. They agreed:
“Just because you’ve been a poker journalist since 1998 and was the first poker mindset coach, why limit your reach? We use what you taught us every day!.”
This was an eye-opener for me.
Without feedback, we don’t know what we don’t know.
Even though it took a long time to get it out there, I was lucky on another front.
My book ranked #1 in hot new releases in Amazon’s Sports Psychology category without any promotions.
Why Do I Never Finish Anything?
How often do you waste a lot of time trying to get “it” right, thinking it isn't good enough, or not having time?
I sure did. Time and time again.
After three years of 24/7 caregiving for my mother, Mama Peggy, I decided to use writing as my respite and tried Medium. I published four articles in early 2022, but I lost focus.
Then, in March 2024, I picked up the gauntlet and published a timely article on Medium, hoping to get re-started there: “Why do I never finish anything?”
One of my biggest takeaways from writing that article was, “Getting it out there messy is better than letting it continue to gather static dust on your computer or clogging up your creative mind.”
My writing handicap was apparent — I started too many projects and left them unfinished.
I'm better now, and in a bit, I'll share what I've learned on Substack since July 2024.
But first, let’s look at what might be the biggest challenge that keeps you from writing, and I needed help finding out what that was.
So, I turned to the Online Writing Club.
What Keeps YOU Stuck?
Kristina mentioned that as a paying member of the Online Writing Club, I had the opportunity to start a Substack Chat thread.
I had never done that before and was unsure how to do it. It turned out to be easy and highly effective.
You could Google it, but I suggest asking the Substack chatbot inside your dashboard.
I started a chat thread under the Online Writing Club heading and was thrilled with the results over the weekend.
What is your biggest challenge that keeps you stuck or keeps you from writing?
On some levels, I'm ashamed to admit that I've experienced every one of the following challenges.
Please tell me in the comments where you are and which rises to the top of your gotta-fix-it list:
It has to be perfect before I publish it
I can’t seem to focus on just one thing
It’s so hard to find a niche
I don't know who my ideal reader is
How can anyone like what I write because my writing is ordinary and not special
I set big hairy goals that are difficult to reach
Okay, those six related challenges are a hybrid mindset that intertwines Overthinking and the Imposter Syndrome.
Let’s call that the “Woe is me, I’m not good enough” cyclone.
Please understand. Rather than pointing a finger, I’m speaking from personal experience.
Besides, when you point a finger, three are pointing back at you.
Guilt, Judgment, and Blame — The Terrible Trinity
Around and around, I think, “Woe is me; I’m not good enough,” until my head spins.
It’s making me dizzy just thinking about it. And, then, Shame pops into my mind — incessant Shame with a capital S! Phew.
Shame continues to come to mind without pause unless I take conscious action and interrupt her.
But…
Shame has allies.
Guilt. Judgment. Blame.
Ahh… they are Shame’s weapons because Shame plays the Blame Game.
I used to call those three — Guilt, Judgment, and Blame — The Terrible Trinity.
Then, I realized that Shame completes them. Empowers them.
Guilt. Judgment. Blame. Shame.
Hump! They are the Quivering Quartet.
Okay. I’ll stop it! I’ll stop playing with words, but that’s what we enjoy doing. Am I right?
🧠 Interrupting the Shame Game is as simple as taking a breath.
Noticing as the air flows down your airways into your lungs.
Pausing for a moment.
Exhale through softly pursed lips and listen as you blow Shame away.
The Challenge of Writing as a Caregiver
Before I give you my secret sauce on how to move forward with grit and stop playing the Shame-Blame Game, let me shift gears.
From firsthand experience, I know caregiving and family responsibilities are mentally and physically exhausting.
Please join me in sending blessings to the brave soul who posted the following in the chat thread, where I asked what’s stopping you from writing.
’s response took my breath away:“Caring for two aging parents - being the sole transportation for one and fighting to protect the other from nursing home abuse and neglect.
“Plus, caring for my husband, teen daughters, and the seven animals that currently live in my house because I had to take in my parents' pets.
“All this to say, (the lack of) mental and physical energy often keeps me from writing or even wanting to write — or caring about whether the writing even gets done.”
Amen to the blessings.
Mishael, we have your back. Please write more.
Find a Way of Working in The ‘Cracks’ of Time
I enjoyed being on a Zoom call with Online Writing Club Notes Booster,
on Sunday.She is a full-time caregiver with her own physical challenges from a concussion, and she has very little time to write.
Janet said
“I had two choices. Either keep doing what I was doing that was getting me nowhere, or find a way of working in the ‘cracks’ of time.”
I loved that — the cracks of time!
Janet said she had a list of Minimum Viable Habits. Here's the minimum she does every day, no matter what:
One Substack note
One X tweet
One LinkedIn per week
Engage in Slack twice - with one she knew and one she didn’t know
Janet smiled and said, “Now, I’m going over 1000 subscribers!”
Bravo, Janet. You are a great role model.
The Challenges I'm Overcoming
I’m focusing on life balance. My hubs#3 is the most important person to me, and he reminds me to take care of myself first.
With that in mind, I intend:
To avoid being pulled down rabbit holes after shiny objects
To use my limited time effectively
To balance caring for my husband with building massive, passive income streams
🧠The 9-Step Blueprint to Getting Seen
The following are the notes I jotted down while listening to Janet Ridsdale. They are on point, and each can be its own post:
Just do it — Start writing more.
Engage more — People don’t know you until they know you.
The average person — no one knows you from a bar of soap.
Write. Write. Write.
Engage. Engage. Engage.
Look at your data, but not all the time.
Change if you need to.
Iterate. Do it again.
Rinse and repeat.
My philosophy is that repetition is the mother of retention.
Emotional Hangover Cure
Since I was sick and tired of staying quiet, over the last month, I’ve been sharing my raw, deep, dark secrets, which date back over 50 years.
The funny thing is that rather than get stuck looking for an appropriate subtitle for the third share, I just wrote down “From the Fifty Shades of Donna.”
Hmm… I may have written the first three chapters of my memoir.
Something happened after last Monday’s post, the third and rawest I’ve ever shared.
When I awoke, I felt like I had a hangover from drinking myself into a stupor, even though I hadn’t drunk alcohol for the last twenty years.
Then, I realized I was experiencing an emotional hangover. I finally found an image on Canva that expressed exactly how I felt.
My emotional hangover is waning, but I am feeling guilty that my weekly newsletter is still in the works.
I had planned to send out my weekly newsletter so that it would arrive in your email on Monday, but this week, either the Humpday Solution will arrive on Wednesday or Throwback Thursday the day after that.
Hmm… I like both of those. In retrospect, Throwback Thursday is more in line with dredging up uglies with lessons embedded in the memories.
I read the draft to hubs#3, and he cracked up near the beginning. It’s much shorter, but he took his supportive stance and said, “Ship It!”
Then, I reminded myself I had been on two podcasts over the last two weeks.
After recording insert: Three podcasts over the last month, and I must mention being on
’s Unfucking Midlife podcast. She is a mic-drop host. True, authentic, and unique.🧠 Mindset Training: Change Your Mind in 7 Seconds
I’m finishing this article for Kristina and preparing a 45-minute session for the Online Writing Club that I’ll give this Saturday, February 22, at 3pm ET.
🔗 LINK to community event for members:
Not a member yet? Join the event on Saturday, February 22, at 3pm ET by upgrading to paid!
“Want to learn how to change your mind in 7 seconds? Tribe member Dr. Donna Blevins has all the answers.”
In This Hands-On Session with Donna, You Can Learn:
Why our words can be dangerous.
Our “safe” time when a negative thought comes to mind.
The simple, effective way to reprogram our subconscious without the need for therapy.
My Secret Sauce
Simple. Stop overthinking. Talk for real. Find what you love to read.
When I decided to check out Substack in July 2024, I was unsure what to call my publication, but I decided it didn’t matter.
My quest was to connect with people, and I was hungry for connection.
I had no idea what other people would like to hear from me, so I started reading and commenting.
My comments were thoughtful and caring. When I started reading a publication and was bored, I left.
When the writer kept my attention, I would quote something from their post that interested me and comment on that.
Sometimes, my comments took longer to write than it took to write an email to a friend.
That’s the frame of mind I sat in, and comments became threads. Back and forth until I started to get to know people I respected.
Within a month, I kept hearing, “Go ahead and post now! Get started!”
I had planned to launch Poker’s Life Lessons on August 9, 2024, but a physical ailment sidetracked me for two months.
Then, on October 10, 2024, as Category 5 Hurricane Milton was heading directly towards our county in Florida, I launched from my cell phone in desperation without electricity or the Internet.
When I turned on my cell phone’s Internet hub, my battery was down to 9%, so I rushed to publish.
I’d been told my post sounded like I was “shouting in the storm,” and that’s exactly what I was doing.
Here’s the beauty of connection and commenting like you’re talking to a friend: When I launched in October 2024, I already had 75 subscribers!
On February 18, 2025, I had 273 subscribers, and the day before, I got my third paid subscriber.
As the name implies, Poker’s Life Lessons is about mastering your mind — becoming the Game Master of Your Mind — rather than learning to play specific hands.
I have nothing behind a Substack paywall as of yet, but I’m giving more my way.
Since I have a FREE class coming on February 28 with a VIP upgrade, I’m giving my annual subscribers a coupon code for the VIP upgrade.
You can register here for Donna’s Speed-Shift Your Self-Talk.
Hello, I’m Donna Blevins, a 6'5", 75-year-old poker journalist, professional poker player (on extended sabbatical), sought-after speaker with a PhD in Metaphysical Coaching… who is a Publisher, an ex-Prostitute, ex-REALTOR®, ex-Bartender, ex-Ad Executive, ex-Morbidly Obese Convicted Felon, and twice ordained minister.
Known as the Big Girl of Poker who went back to school at the age of 58 to earn two masters and a doctorate.
Yes, I’m an expert at playing the crappy cards life deals me as if I've already won.
But I hope you’ll take away my biggest strength:
finding the lessons in the loss and getting back in the game.
🙏Thank you, Donna, for our powerful, honest, lovely, and cheeky conversation. I learned some new words, which I won’t mention here. You know why. Many 🙏 for this inspiring, powerful, actionable, and thoughtful post that speaks to many.
You can meet Donna inside the Online Writing Club membership with 330+ smart writers, register for Donna’s mindset training on Saturday and meet her as a fellow bootcamper inside the Substack Notes Kickstarter Bootcamp in March. Join us!
 | A guest post by
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Oooooh! I love getting triple greats, Lisa! I was startled it timed over 20 minutes when I recorded, but I do live to give.
You just helped me find my true motto.
Yes! I live to give.
It's an honor co-authoring with Kristina and having her beautifully finesse the title and subheads, which have given me a challenge in the past! Thank you so much 💜
I loved getting input from the Online Writing Club members about what struggles they have and keeps them from writing.
I also enjoyed doing the voiceover and speaking as if I'm talking directly to my best friend. 🤗